Beware the Ides of March...
March is finally upon us but I guess it's caught me off-guard that yesterday was December and today's March. I'm halfway there! March marks many milestones for me and at the same time, the idea that time has passed so quickly is incredibly surreal.
This month means that May is closer... and my boyfriend is finally coming home. It means Spring Break and the first time I may go on vacation with friends (as much as I travel, you'd think I would've taken a vacation with other people already but no such luck) March also marks three years blogging since "The Dumpee Diaries" and three years since my last breakup. All this with the fact that I will no longer be considered a teen. I am now celebrating the last time a decade will be welcomed and embraced: This year, I turn 20.
With my 20th itching closer, I've been thinking an awful lot about the last three years recently. I've thought about me and who I am.I started blogging when I was only seventeen. At seventeen,I thought a high school relationship where a guy finally treated me right was all I'd amount to.
 | | |
| This is me, shortly before we broke up: March 12,2009 | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
As much as I miss how thin I was (Hey! I was a size 5, kicking myself for being a 7) I think of that night and now I only talk to maybe two or three people who celebrated my birthday with me. How that night I got excited because David wrote two sentences in my birthday card and no guy had ever even so much as written me a post-it telling me how he felt. Yes, folks. I thought that my worth as a girlfriend was equivalent of two sentences, which now that I think about it, where basically him saying "Hey- sorry I've been a total ass to you. I'm going through Man PMS but I love you. Happy birthday!" I seriously thought that this is as good as it was going to get. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy and that would be it. He left me a week later.
Turning eighteen meant kicking and screaming to get out of the Middle of Nowhere. That birthday marked the start of me finding myself.
 |
| Legal! (I registered to vote that day): March 12,2010 |
 |
| My 19th birthday. You'd think I would have taken a picture with my cake: March 12, 2011 |
Now, with 19 under my belt, I'm trying to think of my life and where it is now. I've finally let someone good in my life who thinks I'm worth more than two sentences in a Hallmark card apologizing for Man PMS. If 17 was me thinking I knew my worth and 18 was me realizing that the world is bigger than my surroundings, then being 19 was the year of discovering that I'm worth more that I can give myself credit for. Every girl is worth more than they believe they are (unless you're absolutely narcissistic and believe you're the World's blessing for Mankind, then maybe not so much. lol) I'm with a man who is thousands of miles away and six hours ahead of me... who waits up until 3 AM his time until I'm out of class to see me on skype for 20 minutes, sends me a good morning text for when I wake up every single day, buys me things like a pink berret from Paris (when he should really save his money for food- and I only asked for a jar of European Nutella) and gives me three days worth of Valentine's Day, yet still thinks everything he does isn't enough to show how much he loves me. I finally get a chance to find out what it's like to be happy and if this is how I get to welcome my 20's, then I can only anxiously await what's next. For all I know, my current boyfriend could plan to leave me a week after my birthday, maybe two. But even if he does, at least now I know that I can make it on my own. I am me, scuffed, seasoned and a survivor of living. I'm not infallible but at least I have self worth now.
Posts
