Sometimes, it seems like life wants to throw things at you that you can't exactly comprehend. Death. Marriage. A new baby. Love lost or love found. Money come and gone. Life has a nack for keeping you off balance when it seems like all you want is to stay grounded and centered. Maybe that's just me but all I've ever seemed to want is for my feet to stay firmly on the ground. This week, I've started to realize that's not always the best thing to wish for.This Fall semester has brought something new that I'm not used to, but something very much welcomed in my life: routine.
But then there comes a new level of uncertainty that I'm trying to deal with. Right now I'm coming to terms with the fact that the universe will only bend so much for me. I'd love to think I'm in control of my own life, but I'm not. Fate is in control of my life and I just have to accept that. I've hit highs and I've hit lows, more in the last three weeks than some people hit in their entire lives. And so this comes with the territory of what I'm dealing with. But I wonder sometimes. Does realizing that life is all up to fate and chance mean that you become more empowered or does that give you a right to feel weak?
I feel weak sometimes, an emotion further reenforced by the fact that right now, the only constant I have in my life is JJ (who I admit, is a constant I have yet allowed myself to trust in because I'm scared he's going to leave again or realize that I'm not worth sticking around for) If I've given in to knowing that there is no such thing as certainty, why do I feel so uncertain at that statement?
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