Lessons Learned in College

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Okay, so I'm departing from tradition momentarily and not using a song title/ lyrics to introduce a segment on my blog. As you know, I started college and on Facebook I've started a status list called "Lessons Learned in College". Maybe you're a Freshman too and can relate to some of the things I'm saying. Maybe you graduated and remember a few things. At any cost, I have to share my ongoing project so here is my ongoing list that will grow as time goes on. I'll create a page for it eventually but for now, here it is! (: [And if you have any more, feel free to share them with me at jen2010@lyricsmemoriesunknown.com <3

Lessons Learned in College:
1) Fully stocked fridge= lots of people over all the time


2)Double check what room number you have.

3)Buying books are an evil necessity that require camping outside the bookstore.

4) Spreadable jam isn't spreadable.

...5) Who said anything about diamonds? Microwaves are a girl's best friend.

6) Get a "Do Not Disturb" sign. People like to knock at 2 AM.

7) Homecooked meals never tasted so good.

8)Laundry is heavy.

9)The things you pay attention to the most in lecture aren't facts or dates but the few good jokes your professor crack.

10) You will wish you had taken a few extra scantrons from your teachers in high school. They disappear like crazy!

11)Just because YOU don't want to get out of bed doesn't mean you have to abuse the poor alarm clock. It's only doing its job.

12) Ice Cream on the way to class in 100 degree weath...er = puddle of chocolate on your new shoes. Nice...

13) Fabreeze = ♥

Let It Go

You know,
I know it's premature to say this but I think that maybe for the time being, Laredo was probably a good disappointment. Now before I get Laredo bashers, let me explain this. While I do eventually want to come to Missouri, TAMIU has not been horrible. I've made great friends, had good times and started to see how life could work out.
The first week was slow with my Tuesdays and Thursdays being long. I like my classes and even so, I'm studying and still having time to go out with friends. But of course I'm finding that sometimes even life's surprises have surprises of their own.
I'm also planning to join a sorority called Sigma Delta Lambda. It's a small and relatively new sorority but it has all the things I believe in. I was invited to their mixer at a club here in town and as a prospective pledge I was psyched. Ale wanted me to go to a party they were throwing at the dorms but she knew how I really wanted to go so I ended up at the club and was surprisingly the first one there. I was approached by a guy at the bar who thought I was an actual member who was going to DJ the party. To my shock and utter awe it was none other than Sammy The House, my favorite DJ for years was there in the flesh! I later explained that I wasn't a Sigma but a Freshman interested in pledging. Well he bought me a drink (non-alcoholic of course. Plus the Sigmas are against alcohol) and we discussed a few things to pass the time and it was after a little small talk that he suddenly said "Wait aren't you the girl who was on Tyra Banks?"
WTF?
Well it turns out my Twitter habits are very Glee specific and he picked up on my posts, looked me up and found out who I was and my story. Talk about a serious wtf moment. At any cost, it got the conversation going. We talked about my experiences, music, radio and my stories of the many adventures I've had. He shared his knowledge and wisdom on life and gave me some advice I'm really trying to take to heart. He said that being sure of yourself is one of the greatest things you can do but by leaving the mystery of who you are, you get to let people in. And by letting go all of your hangups can you really find something better no matter where you are.I later found out that he tweeted and mentioned me on Facebook and he thought I was cool. One of my idols and living legends thinks I'M cool! :D Eventually, I ended up mingling with my possible prospective sisters and when a few of my friends got there, we danced the night away at the club. I ended up coming home around 2 AM (something mother would not have approved of on a school night) I thought I lucked out by not having to explain to anyone being home that late but my next door neighbor (a guy I went to high school with) got nosy and asked me about it. Ugh! Oh well. I at least managed to stay awake during my morning classes but by the time I got back to my dorm, I crashed!
I'm going to take his advice to heart. It can't hurt to let go, right?

"She got out of town... on a railway New York bound..."

Ladies and gents, it's official. I'm now settled into college. Well, for the most part.
I packed up everything Thursday afternoon and much to my chagrin my book collection stayed home. The box was so heavy that while I was able to push it out of my room and next to the front door, it was too heavy to get out of the house (even with my entire family lifting it) We attempted to put the box on a skateboard but that only worked until the box toppled over on it's left side and refused to move so it stayed in my house... nobody wanted to mess with it. Ironically enough, with two duffel bags and one plastic bin, my clothes was the first and easiest thing to get loaded.
I left and looked at my house and it didn't seem so painful like people described it. I guess maybe because I always knew that I wanted to get out. And so with "Slice" by Five for Fighting playing on the radio, we drove off. My last stop was my high school where I called Juan and said goodbye. He made my summer come to life, and as one of my best buds, was one of the people I knew I was going to miss in the hellhole of a town I lived in. After we said our goodbyes, I drove off and never looked back.
Within a few hours, we drove in, listening to "Don't Rain On My Parade" of all things. The next days after that were a manhunt.
After coming into town, my mom and I became serious shoppers. We bought crap I didn't think I would ever need like a can opener, tacky stuff to put up wall decorations, plates, silverware, dish washing liquid... and my mom went on a flip flop frenzy. I went from owning one pair to 8 in a matter of 2 days. I had to move some of my already extensive shoe collection under my bed in a shoe holder we got on sale (something I never thought I would need either) After becoming almost a live in shopper at Wal-Mart, I moved into my dorm last night. My room (simply put) is pink explosion. I have pink bedding, pink hangers, pink decorations, pink slippers, pink plates, cups, bowls, pink hamper, pink trash can... hell even my can opener is pink. I know eventually I'll mix up the color scheme but I did get fed up with having a purple room and having my favorite color ignored so it doesn't really sicken me. It just bugs my friends... a little. I owe my mom a lifetime for helping me move in. While everyone had already settled in and while my mom was one of the few parents to be on campus in and out of the dorms, my mom was a major lifesaver. She went above and beyond parent duty and I am incrediby grateful for everything she did for me. Usually we can drive each other nuts but the fact that she survived this and did this all for me makes me incredibly grateful.
When my mom left, I managed to chill with some friends from campus. We broke in my pink plates and munched on hot pockets, then I finished setting up my room. All I need now is internet which has yet to be set up in my dorm.
So, now what?
Cheers to the last day of summer and really not knowing what to expect.

The Best Soy Latte you ever had... and Me

It's Wednesday technically. One more day until I leave. I started loading up the boxes and it amazes me just how much junk I have and how much I'm leaving behind. And is it a bad thing if my books (along with what might be almost ever single issue of Seventeen magazine since 2007) take up more room than my wardrobe? (It's one huge box that's half my height over two duffle bags in case you're wondering )

Just wondering.

"I'll Stand by You"

Okay so maybe after years of speculating and wishing and hoping and counting down the days of when I could leave this town, things look a little different now that I'm on the other extreme of the spectrum.
My mom and I got into another fight today, specifically about the same issues. How I didn't get to go to Missouri because of money, how it's all my fault and basically all the anger issues we usually have with each other. She feels as though I'm dissatisfied with her and I'm certain that I'll never meet up to her high expectations and her serious frustrations with me. It's partially why I gave up trying my senior year in high school. I didn't care anymore... it was a lost cause because the criticism really didn't end. And now that I have literally days instead of months, we're at each others wits end with each other. She seems to think that I'm blaming her for what happened and my hopes and dreams falling apart. I'm frustrated with my parents and I hate how I'm not good enough for my parents.
You know for years, I've had to deal with alot of things like criticism and public opinion. But the one thing I've always said was that people can talk all they want and in the end they'll never be at my house where I can clear my thoughts but it's frustrating when my mother and I can't settle our differences and we seems to be nagging and gnawing away at each other. To have lived with someone who I will never see eye to eye with and who doesn't bother to see eye to eye with me not only frustrates me but doesn't give me anywhere to outreach. Sometimes I feel like my mom doesn't get me and keeps her distance because she doesn't.
Things were so different when I was little. We were insepearable and now... you could probably put the Great Wall of China between us and still have room. I can't believe this is our relationship even now with a few days left until I leave for college this is what has become of me and my mom and maybe for once I'd like to have someone on my side

"Yeah the truth is... that I miss you so."

It's starting to hit me how many people I've affected and just exactly what my impact was on the people I know.
Juan did something amazing for me today that I don't think he realizes really impacted me.
He played me "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on the guitar and explained that he chose that song because what happened to me with Missouri was just like what happened with Glee and how they lost at Regionals after coming so far. He wanted me to know that everyone still had great faith in me no matter where I went.
As soon as he started singing, I started crying. So many emotions ran through my mind when Juan played that song for me.
People are sad to see me go, something I never thought I would see in my life but in spite of so much love, I feel empty.
Why?
Because the one thing I've always wanted more than anything was to have someone sing to me and put the care and time into learning a song for me. To me, that's the most thoughtful gesture a person can do because music is eternal and sharing it with someone means they truly mean something. And when Juan sang for me, I felt so many things. He's an amazing best friend and I'm grateful to have him by my side, an honorary brother.
But this is bittersweet.
The only person who ever knew that I wanted someone to sing to me was David. He knows me so well yet seems to either be obtuse or in denial. He's starting to ask me why I even call around the same time at night if we only end up with the same familiar awkward silences and he always complains about how I listen to Coldplay so much.
Maybe if he listened to the words behind the same Coldplay song I listen to that says exactly what I want to say to him every night but don't have the courage to do so then he would understand that silence is self explanatory.
Like I said, music is eternal and I've learned that it can inspire gratitude, love and loneliness.
Maybe if he listened, he'd know.
But you know, at least I have friends who love me, loved me enough to pick me up and take care of me when he took off. Juan was there and he still is. I can't say that about David.
He's my best friend through all.
David? Still hurts but I have to move on past that.

Juan asked me: "Are you gonna be okay?"
My response?
"Yeah. I always am in the end."

Why can't David believe in me as much as my friends do?

Juan, thank you for being there when he's not. I promise. I'll get better soon. I'll keep trying.
Juan, thank you for everything. (:

Chase This Light

Two weeks left to go until college.
I'm not going where I wanted to go.
I'm single as ever, even scaring off this guy who tried to be nice to me.
Even my pink hair isn't up to what it used to be, now it's fading out.

Alas, summer's days are dying out and I'm going to try and make the best of my situation. Two weeks and I'm out of this town. No more being the live-in babysitter, no more sitting in band class killing time by doing homework behind a music stand, and no more writing under the covers with a pen and notebook stashed underneath my pillow!

I went to see a few people at my old high school during registration to go pick up my transcripts and it was like I was gone for ages. To see all these familiar people... it reminds me why I'm moving.
I've got people behind me no matter what I do so this is all gonna get me somewhere.
I've got to chase after what I want to get what I want.

"Everybody knows but nobody really knows..."

Today I woke up and suddenly everything was clearer. After venting for days straight about everything - a broken heart, a mind whizzing forty million miles an hour, my odd encounter with fate and going to college- I woke up today

1) Later than usual

2) with a clear head
3) Without a headache

4) Mildly okay

I guess what I needed to do was come to terms with everything. I've been nagging so long about finding closure with my old life and trying to move forward that it never occurred to me that just maybe closure was something I had to find for myself, starting with the biggest open question mark of my life. David and I had issues mostly on my front but I decided that whatever we had is in the past and I need to move forward in a healthy way. I can go on not dropping snide remarks or thinking he's up to something. And I 'm happy to say that I no longer see him in the panging way I used to. I guess (500) Days of Summer taught me one thing. We can believe in fate and think it has a twisted way of screwing us over but when it all comes down to it, things happen for a reason and who are we to know what that reason is until later.

Everybody thinks they know everything about life and learning but maybe this is just one of those things where we don't really need to know. I've got to let go. And once I realized all of this, life made sense once again.

Let's just hope it lasts.

Losing Ground

Seems like a riddle
How do people move on?



When everything has gone wrong?



Whoa, and where did it come from?



How can it be so strong?



How does the rain fall for so long? So long









Something tripped me



Took my legs out



Thought I could fix it



Repair it, climb over it



I'm so scared



I need you to hold me down



Hold me down



I'm losing ground









Seems like a battle



How can anyone ever win?



How can we start over again?



Sometimes I say I'd like you better



If you were only a little bit stronger



But I know I'm talking to me, when I'm talking to you



So what are we gonna do?


This was the first song to show up on my Pandora channel this morning. Not only is it slightly ironic but well versed. All music analysis aside, I'm just faced with accepting that I've got a detour in the road, and something has got to come good in my way. But maybe its just me... there are signs everywhere trying to speak to me and saying what I'm so afraid to say time and time again. I'm afraid of failure and to a certain extent that all my attempts and trying to guide my life will fail. Failure and a dark unknown future scare me. I've already lost so much that I really have nothing else left to lose but it scares me because what else does fate want to take away from me that doesn't need to be taken away?  Is it even possible to be comfortable with that question of uncertainty?