"I am a Good Girl"

Okay, so
I'm nice
talented
driven
intelligent
determined
not promiscuous
nor a cheater.
I'm not shy
I'm the kind of girl you'd bring home to your mother
I'm loyal

Dare I say it, but I'm pretty and confident in myself
I'm happy with who I am, just the way I am and I'm not afraid of being silly or seen with flaws

I'm a good girl, the kind I hear all my guy friends looking for. I keep it real and sure I talk more than I should sometimes but for the most part, I'm pretty okay. Why is it then I have the worst luck with guys?

Why can't I meet someone who's kind and intelligent and fiercely passionate about his ambitions? Why can I meet a good guy I'm not ashamed to introduce my friends and parents too? Is it too much to ask for a human being who is sane and normal and romantic and wonderful to have around? Is it too much to pray that I want to meet someone who genuinely cares about my personality and doesn't want to get into my pants? Seriously, is it so bad that I secretly wish I met a guy who pays for the bill on dates, opens doors and remembers the little things.
I'm experiencing a serious frustration with the male population!! Mark says I shouldn't focus on dating and I shouldn't get distracted from my goals and ambitions but two years has been too long for me being alone. I hate cooking for 1 and hearing details about my friends' love lives. I hate hearing that I'm selfish because I want to be in a loving relationship and being called picky because I refuse to settle for guys that are obviously wrong for me. I'm tired of being told that I've got low standards because suddenly nice guys are low standards.
What's sooo totally wrong with me that I've been undatable for two years, to the point where no one's tried. I just have this guy on my case on trying to get some when I clearly know he doesn't care about my feelings or if I'm interested in a relationship or not based on his personal satisfaction.
I'm fed up.

"Lost"

 

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

-Confucius 

I LOVE how fate has a twisted sense of humor.
The world is in an uproar, and I am in my own right.
Why am I in an uproar? David and I are speaking again, particularly, he's gotten himself into an issue that is even more screwed up than my life. Do I even want to get into this?
Not really.
I haven't seen Mark in ages, and part of me thinks Sergio is keeping it like that. It worries me but what am I supposed to do about it? NADA.

So now, why is the world in an uproar exactly?

I got a tattoo. Yes, you read that right. After 3 years of research, contemplating and thinking, I finally got my tattoo and I am in love with it and sooo happy that I waited on it. But for some reason, me getting a tattoo makes everyone think I got it on impulse when in fact it was the total opposite. Either way, it's quite the chaos as of recent. Clearly, the comments I've gotten most are "What did your mother say?!" and "What were you thinking?!" and in all honesty neither concern me (because my Mother was there when I got it and I thought it through the entire way)
I suppose right now I'm writing from a very cranky and worn out state which only leaves me to hope that 5 weeks from now (After I can say that I survived my Freshman year) that I'll be a better writer.
Even so, I can't help but feel like I'm blaming my lack of writing on my stress, which really I can say I bring on myself but from my perspective in life, do things ever get easier as you get older?
Does this feeling of being lost and distant from society ever go away? I'm starting to wonder when exactly I started going on autopilot and stopped doing things because I honestly remembered and enjoyed them. Anyhow, it's all just a bunch of rambling at this point, isn't it?
For me it is. The soliloquies of my life known as my blogging can only be a certain type of productive and I should really consider keeping a cohesive story line other than vague mentions.

"The Twist"

"All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. "

-George Harrison

Another year has come and gone and funny enough, 19 has been one of the most event packed birthdays I've ever had particularly because I had to schedule everything, right down to the location and time.
I spent the weekend with my girls, the friends I've made this semester that have brightened my life and got to go see a hockey game.
But really, all I did was think.

My mom surprised me with a visit for the day since I decided not to go back home for Spring Break (and I got roses and a new fish since Foreman died during midterms) I was greeted with 2 birthday cakes, a TON of Glee stuff... and a visit from a surprising friend.
I've been sitting here for Spring Break and all I can do is THINK and that clearly never does a girl any good, now does it?
The adult voice I have is telling me to shut up and not think but the little girl in me that keeps asking questions.

"Landslide"

 

 

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact."

 -William James

Just when it seems like sometimes my weeks are showing promise and I might be getting things together, something has to happen. No one can get everything they ask for all the time and if you do, something has to happen. My proof? This weekend. I had a TERRIBLE Glee Club rehearsal where everyone got terribly frustrated. It took us a good hour and a half to get a simple harmony of three words down and my officers and I were frustrated beyond belief. They went and drank and did what they had to do. I stayed home... and cried.
Basically I've questioned everything that has lead up to this point. Then when I finally did get to sleep, I got woken up by a drunk Sergio.
Apparently I did something that got him totally irked and now he hates my guts and I SERIOUSLY did nothing for this one (and when I get sleep I will explain this further) but seriously, this week everything kind of added up on me.
I bombed my Music Theory midterm (which if it goes as well as I think it did -and it didn't go well at all) then I can give up my dreams of being a voice major.
I'm going up against the grain trying to get my Glee Club going.
I was literally so tired today that I not only went to the wrong class on the wrong day but accidentally picked up someone's order at Starbucks and then forgot the words to the song I was supposed to sing at work today.

Maybe there's more coming my way but I can't help but think that I almost totally forgot about my birthday this Saturday. Another year has come and gone. Two years of being single. One year of being in college. I remember blogging about it last year and contemplating what my year of 18 would be like. Never did I think I would forget my own birthday, or much less have to schedule it. I'm realizing now, that I'm getting older and more worn. I'm wondering if when I look back 365 days from now, if life will make any sense.

We'll see how that goes but until then, cheers to my last day of being 18 years old: the end of one very long year.