"Keep Your Head Up"

"A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience."
-Wallis Simpson

 
You know, you'd think that maybe as time passes by insecurities would fade and just maybe luck would change but it doesn't always work that way now does it?
In my case, it's more reminiscent, almost like a reminder that nothing can ever be perfect just because it's me.
Anyhow, I'm stuck in a rut.
I think Mark and I are spending too much time together because we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Well correction: I'm getting on his nerves by the looks of it. One thing he's told me recently kind of hit home really hard. "Well it's not like I'm your boyfriend, Jen. I'm Just your best friend"
He's absolutely right in that sense. He's not. But, at the same time, I have been leaning on him alot more than I should. He's my best friend but I rely on him way too much like a boyfriend.
I can sense it. I'm annoying, and clingy and irritating. No one wants anything to do with me and I'm lonely as hell because of it. You know, I would much have rather taken a class on "Social Etiquette in the 21st century" rather than Fundamental Music Theory.
I;m not gonna lie, my feelings are all bent out of shape not just by what Mark said but just the fact that it's been accumulating for a long time, not just from him but of years of not being around people and this feeling of being unwanted.
This is why I've been single for so long. No one wants anything to do with me.
I should just go hide under my rock now. Everyone wins. right?

Why Can't I?

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."

-Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Hello, hello ladies and gentlemen.
I'm baaaack!

It's been so long and it feels weird having abandoned my blog for such a long period of time. Let me just say, sit down folks. This is going to be a loooong entry.
First thing's first. Mark and Sergio are no more. I would rather not get into details as to what happened and how I managed to get stuck in the middle of it but I will say that things played out the way they did and I'm glad that Mark is safe and that we're close again.
I was kind of afraid of blogging again because he was once a fan of my  writing but after a fiasco, one which involved him publicly bashing me AND my blog, I decided to lay low for a while plus, more happened to me in the last two months.
Allow me to explain finally with pride that after a year and two attempts at the rushing process, I am finally a sister of Sigma Delta Lambda sorority

 It was one heck of a semester but I finally made it and I'm so glad to have wonderful sisters who are there for me through everything and Greek life is something I am happy to partake in, especially now that I can. lol
In other news, Glee showcase was AMAZING! We got tons of compliments and I'm glad it's over and done with. Gives me more to work towards next fall. :)

Which brings me somewhat to the present now, with three blog drafts and a cold turkey stance on my Facebook gaming addictions.
Where am I now?
Well I'm in Finals week, I also won the "Freshman Excellence Award" which recognized me as an outstanding fishie. I'm moving out of my dorm and it's hard to imagine that I'm ending the year already. I don't intend on going back home and my mom threw a fit but I need to grow up.
Oh the things I've done this year...
I got a tattoo
went to TWO concerts (for free)
I joined a sorority.
built an organization from the ground up
took care of myself without having to beg for major help
I attended three major auditions
met some of the best friends I could ever ask for

And now, I'm moving out on my own, with my Big sister. I also have a crush on somebody and THAT is an issue on it's own considering I haven't told Mark but within time, I'm sure it'll spill out.
 Well, Leanna (my line sister sitting next to me as I FINALLY write this) is concerned that Mark is going to ask questions but to be honest... I'm like 99.999999999% sure he knows who it is and why I won't tell him (and he's using reverse psychology to give me a guilt trip so I can spit it out and just admit it already)
Either way, that is another issue.
UPDATE: I told Mark and spat it out. I was right. He already knew but I was wrong in the sense of relief I was going to get. I'm more antsy. My stomach is in knots. Sheesh!

Hopefully, I'll get over it but for now I have to pack up for moving out.
There WILL be more to come! :)