"Keep Your Head Up"

"A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience."
-Wallis Simpson

 
You know, you'd think that maybe as time passes by insecurities would fade and just maybe luck would change but it doesn't always work that way now does it?
In my case, it's more reminiscent, almost like a reminder that nothing can ever be perfect just because it's me.
Anyhow, I'm stuck in a rut.
I think Mark and I are spending too much time together because we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Well correction: I'm getting on his nerves by the looks of it. One thing he's told me recently kind of hit home really hard. "Well it's not like I'm your boyfriend, Jen. I'm Just your best friend"
He's absolutely right in that sense. He's not. But, at the same time, I have been leaning on him alot more than I should. He's my best friend but I rely on him way too much like a boyfriend.
I can sense it. I'm annoying, and clingy and irritating. No one wants anything to do with me and I'm lonely as hell because of it. You know, I would much have rather taken a class on "Social Etiquette in the 21st century" rather than Fundamental Music Theory.
I;m not gonna lie, my feelings are all bent out of shape not just by what Mark said but just the fact that it's been accumulating for a long time, not just from him but of years of not being around people and this feeling of being unwanted.
This is why I've been single for so long. No one wants anything to do with me.
I should just go hide under my rock now. Everyone wins. right?