"Raise Your Glass"

"Welcome be ye that are here,

Welcome all, and make good cheer,

Welcome all, another year."

- New Year's Toast, Author Unknown (but more than likely drunk), 1949

The last day of the year... Has it really been 365 days already?
I find it so hard to believe considering the first 6 months dragged like nobody's business and the last 6 months went by too quickly for me to enjoy. lol
But I suppose it's official. My stepdad's family is here and there is, as expected, an overabundance of food. We had a cookout for lunch, are expecting menudo for dinner and will be having turkey (God help my poor stomach) tomorrow.
The booze is flowing and fireworks are causing a fire hazard in my backyard (and I being the weirdo college student who doesn't drink or believe in arson, am staying inside behind a laptop curled up with my chihuahua. Sergio and Mark are coming tomorrow and that's been the highlight of my entire Winter Break so hopefully I can start the year off right!
2011... Can't believe it's here. Each New Year's has been different from the last. When I welcomed in 2008, I was a Sophomore in High School, I was in the preliminary stages of blogging as I wrote in my now defunct "Pandora's Shoebox" blog. I welcomed in the New Year watching reruns in Christmas pajamas while my parents were at a neighbor's party.
 In 2009, I was with David's family, where the running joke was his brother "drinking his sorrows away" while we watched a movie and I became integrated into the family on the first holiday I spent with a family other than my own. I dressed nicely, resisted the champagne and saw a hell of a lot of fireworks.
Last year, it was a quiet New Year's, seeing as my stepsiblings were with their mom and my stepdad was working so my mom, brother and I watched Telemundo ring in the New Year on TV and we went outside to watch other people light up the night sky. 2009 was a particularly difficult year for me so I was more than glad to put it all behind me that New Year's Eve.
Which brings me to now. I can honestly say 2010 was eventful. It had it's uplifting moments but mostly, 2010 represents freedom to me. Freedom from heartache, society's limits, personal boundaries, normalcy, the freedom to see who I am.
To my fellow citizens of the world, I salute you. Cheers to the potential to a wonderful year. :)

What Are you Doing New Year's Eve?

"Lead, follow, or get out of the way."- Laurence J. Peter

The clan has arrived.

No, I am not referring to any racism extremist groups (because that would be kink of ironic thank you very much.) My stepdad's extensive family is here. While my immediate family is already extensive (a brother, a stepsister, a stepbrother, my mom, my stepdad and me) the extended family is bigger. Waaaay bigger. On my mom's side I have my aunt who has 2 kids and a disowned uncle. I have great-aunts, second, third and possibly fourth cousins. I have people that I know are family but don't know how exactly they're related and will probably never know because it's rude to ask. On my dad's side, I'm still putting the branches of my family tree together. Since he's a bit on the estranges side, I don't know much about my dad's family. To the best of my knowledge I have 2 aunts, 2 uncles, with 8 first cousins, 5 second cousins and two second cousins on the way. Then I think I have 2 half sisters but I'll never be sure and I'm sure I have more uncles and aunts on that side. I'm just not all too sure.
And don't get me started on my stepdad's side of the family. His mother is one of ten so I gave up trying to keep up with his family. But I know that for sure he is one of three. His sister has two kids and his brother has three and he has... us. lol At any cost, part of the clan came today. His sister, her husband, the kids and my stepdad's parents came for New Year's which means 12 people under the same roof.
You know, in the middle of nowhere, I just knew I was never going to get a sense of privacy and when I belong to a family where just going to dinner means calling the Fire Marshall, it only makes the solitude and isolation of my dorm that much more inviting.
Well, on the positive, it's family and the end of 2010 is fast approaching. Also, my favorite couple Mark and Sergio (you know, the couple that doesn't make me want to throw stuff at them?) are coming for New Year's Day. My mom wants to take Sergio to the casino (oh yeah, I live in the town that has the only casino in Texas. Blame those Native American loophole laws) Then before you know it, I'll be headed to Dallas to see Brian with my two high school friends Victor and Sonia.
A whole year of prospects and this is just what I need right now. So much in fact, I'm already thinking of what to do for my birthday in March and as of last night, I have a date on Valentine's Day. Crazy, huh?

You have no idea.
Happy New Year's everyone! :)

Superman

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

With only 3 days left in 2010, I've begun to realize how much has changed within 365 days. I think about where I was at this point on December 28, 2009 and it just doesn't compare to now. Not even close.

I certainly thought that by 2010, I wouldn't have set foot in this town ever again. Back in the day when I wasn't a permanent decoration/resident in my dorm room that I now fondly revere as my home, I was a kid stranded in the bane of every nerd's existence: high school. Even before then I was the subject of some serious bullying. It just got relatively worse in high school. Simply put, I was Rachel Berry minus the animal sweaters and slushies but you get the idea.
 I've never been one to shy away from being who I am. From the get-go, I knew what I wanted, where I was going and acted like an adult and I got a hell of alot of shit for it.
People advised me to change everything about myself. They advised me that a new haircut/ new wardrobe/ using smaller words/ not singing all the time/ not answering questions in class/ speaking quieter/ not liking Harry Potter would save me a world of trouble and by just blending in, things would be easier. I could no sooner do any of these things than they could grow six inches taller at will. And I suffered for it. My passions and my personality made me a whole lot of enemies and rumors sprouted as a result: I was stuck up because I used "big words" and "talked down to everyone" with my vocabulary. I was insane because I enjoyed singing and looked for every chance to perform in front of a crowd. I tried on purpose to be different in order to attract attention.
Naturally, my peers tried to "punish" me. The Class of 2009 (the year before I graduated) staged a walk-out during my performance in the Junior talent show. It was commonplace to get my things stolen, to get my things moved, to have my house egged... anything just to get under my skin. At some point or another, I wondered why I put up with everything in the first place and didn't graduate early. Simple: my parents' patience was wearing thin. They didn't get it, considering down to this day, I still get harassed at home for not being perfect/smarter/more outspoken. This was my battle for 14 years.
 In 2009, during the Fall of my senior year in high school,  I went through one of the most life changing and defining points of my life: I was a guest on Tyra Bank's now defunct talk show. The subject? Kids in the arts who are made outcasts. What was meant to be a quiet trip to New York turned into something much bigger than I ever realized. I told nobody that I was leaving until right before I boarded a plane because nobody needed to know. My mom and I boarded the plane and from there it seemed like the entire world found out. I met amazing people and discovered that there is indeed a bigger and better world out there than the small town I was living in and that there was no reason for me to go through the hell I was going through. I got treated like a celebrity and met the cast of Glee, and it was AMAZING! The cast was humble and seeing Lea Michele in person was nothing but inspiring. It was a nice reminder to keep moving forward.

But that being said, when I got back, it got worse. Much worse. People suddenly started complaining that I lied to get on the show and that I was never picked on. They started a trending topic on Twitter and message boards about me online. For once my parents saw it but they still didn't get why I wanted to leave to an out of state school or why I don't want to come back here ever again. For me, it's alot more psychosomatic. I can't sleep. I get panic attacks when I remember certain events. I question everything and don't talk to people much.
And today I saw that one of my attackers mentioned me on Twitter and I got an anxiety attack from it. I am definitely in a much better place when I am away from here and while my family and friends live here, I can't stand to be here anymore. It just feels like a step back more than a step forward.

Bullying should never be tolerated and it's not right for someone to feel threatened or unwanted where they should feel safe, especially at school and in their hometowns. Suicides are at an all time high and I understand all too well how teasing can affect you. No one helped me and no one listened. It wasn't until my appearance that people really had an idea of what was going on.
Alot of states don't have proper bullying/cyberbullying laws and it's not right.

2011 should be a year where I as well as every other person shouldn't feel afraid of being somewhere. We're all human and the feelings of others should never be undervalued.

"Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride"

"Comedy is acting out optimism."

-Robin Williams

I went out last night.
I straightened my hair, broke in my awesome makeup brushes (thanks again, Mom) and changed outfits several times, jammed out to Naya Rivera's rendition of "Valerie" and actually got picked up and driven to a restaurant with silverware and enjoyed the night with a handsome suitor and had a wonderful time. Who was my wonderful date, you may ask? None other than my awesome friend Brian, my date to the Prom, the most influential man in my life thus far, the owner of my domain name for my blog, and a true gem to have in my life. And ladies and gents, he's the first gay guy I officially met. (And I really had you going,didn't I?) ;) (Note: Although I've known Angel, my childhood best friend for much longer and he's gay, I had no idea he was gay until he came out my Sophomore Year in High School) Brian and I have a long friendship that spans from my early adventure in junior high when I was just a kid with a contraband CD player in her backpack and a notebook full of lyrics to now as a girl with a notebook laptop and an iPod.

This is us at his senior prom :)

Bri graduated a year before I did and he went to school in Dallas which means I don't get to see him very often anymore. When he offered to go catch dinner and a movie while he was in town, I was more than thrilled to see him. We went to eat at a new seafood restaurant in town that opened when Applebee's used to be (and where I think 3 or 4 restaurants have replaced it and all closed down) We were delighted with comic relief when what is supposed to be a nice dining establishment turned into something that only my hometown could get away with. We were first greeted with menus in Spanish that had 1/3 of the listings with English translations underneath as if English speaking was in the minority... In Texas... a part of the United States... a country first settled by Englishmen but MOVING ON!

Then the things that were translated were translated in a horrible manner. They misspelled "chicken" and "coffee"...  We were then given a bowl of tortilla chips (at a seafood restaurant of all places) and at my request for lemonade (they spelled that right btw), I was greeted by a thick glass goblet that looked like a fishbowl with a straw sticking out of it awkwardly. I could have put Foreman (my Betta) inside of my drink and aside from the ice, you'd think that was an actual bowl.

All English fails aside, we nibbled on the tortilla chips and started talking about life and how so many of our friends have changed and yet how for the most part we've retained our original selves. We talked about school and how our diets have changed due to meal plans (and yes, tamales came up in that conversation. lol) We discussed my upcoming trip to Dallas where I will put alot of things on the line  and auditioning for Glee in the national casting call (and staying with Brian). And we discussed his potential budding relationship (which I desperately hope I don't jinx by mentioning in this blog) and how that's going.

Then we mulled over our dinner (and laughed at the horrible mistranslation of Brian's order. He read stuffed shrimp. He got big shrimp wrapped in bacon.)

I got two more refills of my fishbowl and soon we wrapped up dinner. He paid.

Brian has always had a tendency of acting like a gentlemen and respecting women and treating us girls better than straight men. In high school, he always got me something for Valentine's Day since we were both always single on Valentine's Day and even bought me something when I was with my ex during my Junior year and dinner was proof that he was still the same gentleman. He seemed to remember the same thing when he jokingly said, " I really hope I don't end up with a girl this Valentine's Day like I always do. I think no girl should be alone on that day but I need a man."

Well said, Brian. :)

On the ride back, we said our goodbyes and he even walked me to the door. I had a blast at the movie and got my fair share of laughs. And true to this small town's standards, I was home promptly at 9:45 because nothing is open past 10 other than Wal*Mart and maybe McDonald's if you're lucky. I also only paid $5.50 each for movie tickets, the least I've spent on tickets in the last year, even with a student discount. But with every high comes a low and I got mine 5 minutes later when I was taking off my makeup in the restroom and

...

Let's just say I made it to the sink in time. Clearly food isn't agreeing with me this year for the holidays. Romance either but that's another story. I'm going to keep a good face though. My promise ring is supposed to arrive from Tokyo any day now and pretty soon I'll be back home in my dorm... where the food hopefully will go down alot better. :)

"Food! Glorious Food!"

"So this is Christmas..." - John Lennon

Now the wrapping paper has been tossed and the tamales have been eaten (and any Mexican knows to take food with 3 different types of lard and margarine in it very seriously).
Christmas has come and gone. Might I say it was a great holiday. I woke up dazed and confused and in spite of not waking up until the early afternoon on a normal day, I was the first person to wake up at 8-ish. Except I woke up nauseous. The cause? Tamales.


Mexican food is VERY heavy and tamales are no exception. If made properly, eating 4 tamales feels like nothing but by New Year's (and after an average 80 tamales), everyones' pants don't fit and this is either due to excessive heartburn/bloating or the unfortunate survival heartburn that means solid weight gain. This doesn't include the rest of the excusable eating and epic portion servings (and mysterious amount of leftovers that come even after the holidays are treated as a trip to an all you can eat buffet)
When it comes to gluttony, Mexicans take the cake! The Italians, Greek and French may be renowned for their food-centered culture but when you learn from an early age about manteca, lard, margarine, Crisco, and butter and how many foods all these lovely fats go into, we take the cake in unhealthy massive eating!
VIVA LA RAZA!
Anyways, back to my point. In spite of this heavy eating, being in college has somewhat lightened up my grease intake. Most of the fat in my diet came from my love affair with Pizza Hut and the pizzeria on campus and the campus cafeteria (due to its lack of delectable options) has resulted in me eating mainly sandwiches and salad when I did eat on campus. So when I came back to my parents' house and was greeted by three heavy meals a day, I was so stuffed, I've cut down to 2 meals a day. And on Christmas eve, my mom perfected her tamales recipe which means... TAMALES! (and at LEAST 100 of them in 4 flavors)
I had 4, and went to bed.
On Christmas morning.... BLEH!
I woke up and ran STRAIGHT for the sink. False alarm.
Still the first one to be up, I lied on the couch, feeling my stomach turn on itself. Two anti-acids later, I subdued the beast and woke up my brother. He was dazed and confused as well but nauseous he was not.  My brother made his way to the presents. He has the iron gut and isn't as susceptible to heavy food as I am. My stomach turned on itself AGAIN. Lovely way to spend Christmas morning. I eased myself onto the floor and waited for my brother to wake up everyone. At the ripe age of 18, slowly creeping on the big 19, I'm too old to get my parents out of bed. My brother is 8. He doesn't understand the value of sleep yet so it's his turn to get the fun of waking up my parents.
I slowly saw two adults with bags under their eyes get out of bed.... two adults who left the Christmas lights on all night (and left me to listen to the music synchronized Christmas trees outside my window play a medley of Christmas carols with bright LED flashing all night) watch the wonder in my brother's eyes. Then I saw them reach for tamales. Aside for feeling my gut jump again, I grabbed a tums but not before I grabbed a present.
What did I get? A new iPod! (and 160 GB so I can't bitch about not having enough memory) I also got a framed Marilyn Monroe print for my dorm room, some professional makeup brushes, new makeup in a mass quantity, the Glee, Volume 4 CD, an iPod stereo, a necklace and earring set, a spa bath kit, a subscription to Allure magazine, an IOU for perfume (my mom didn't find one she liked), and to satisfy my mom's OCD nature in my dorm room, a vacuum cleaner. In pink.
With A Christmas Story playing on loop with the sound muted, I watched my brother get excited about his Christmas presents and mentally shuddered at how much my parents spent (considering how as a broke college student, I spent a pittance on Christmas)
and like that, the holiday was done. My dad went to assemble the XBOX 360, I took another Tums and took a nap and my mom enjoyed her new eyeshadow pallete I got her for Christmas.
Later we watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas" on Hulu and after that it was just a normal day.
Except everyone ate tamales. I made myself a sandwich and called it even. Since next week in New Year's day, menudo is next. D:


Cheers to MORE heartburn!
Merry Christmas everyone! ♥

"Happy Christmas (War Is Over)"

"And so I'm offering this simple phrase,

To kids from one to ninety-two,

Although its been said many times, many ways,

A very Merry Christmas to you."

-Nat King Cole

Christmas has crept up upon us all and somewhere in between my family's up and downs and all arounds, it's Christmas eve. Only one more day until the day when wrapping paper all over what used to be a perfectly clean house is excusable, when the songs we love to listen to once a year are placed back in storage for the other 11 months of the year, and when watching "A Christmas Story" for 24 hours on a loop on TBS isn't so strange. For my family, that last part is tradition, even if it drives my mom absolutely nuts to watch that movie. I didn't ask for anything this year seeing as I've somewhat outgrown begging for something on my Christmas list (although I DO have a wishlist webpage that I update annually to keep up with the seasons. lol)
Even now that Christmas has actually arrived (and I have a legitimate reason for being in town), it's dawned on me at how 2010 was quite a year. I marked several milestones in 2010 from start to finish.
I graduated high school, celebrated a year of being single, turned 18, registered to vote, moved out of the house and this town for good, closed and started a blog, started a book, purchased a promise ring, won a singing competition, went clubbing and made peace in many ways with my past, present and possible future... and kind of screwed over my gaydar by meeting a grand total of 6 gay men in one semester. I can clearly call it a year.
So from my crazy year to your wonderful Christmas, I wish all my readers, loved ones and friends a Merry Christmas and outstanding 2011. I'll be writing a few more entries I hope before 2011 but trhat's not a promise. To close off this entry, I leave you with the song that's been at the TOP of my playlist lately. Don't ask me why though. I'll leave that story for later. ;) ♥

Woman In the Mirror

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.” -Christian Morganstern

As a girl (and a self admittedly complicated one at best), I've always found myself to do and act almost entirely on emotion. I make lots of decisions, concur revelations, and make random observations... all more than likely influenced by my emotions developed and gathered by a life of experiences. This makes my highs moving, my lows defeating and my regrets more real.Everything becomes as vivid as a motion picture sometimes and the emotional scars of my heartbreaks and triumphs, victories and upsets and everything people simply refer to as the past adds up but just like the ocean, it ebbs away to a peaceful and dormant rhythmic existence.
This year, the holidays are a constant reminder of what I used to be and how in four months I have been on a marvelous adventure. The small dreary town where I live still doesn't excite me. It still doesn't enthrall me to beat down the door and come every weekend. On the contrary, it makes me thankful that I have a chair to curl up in when I go back home to my dorm, and best of all, a home I can take care of. Domestic stability is something many people take for granted but after never feeling home anywhere, it's such a relief to finally call something mine. Even if my neighbors play video games and make tons of noise and even if I spend more time by myself than anyone else, I absolutely love it.
This revelation, while one that brings me comfort has also turned into a catalyst for many other things. By finally having a comfortable home, I've begun to feel comfortable with myself. It takes alot to think about who I am and where I'm going but the fact that I finally have a home just might make it more worthwhile.
I lastly leave you with this. A video that has helped me see things differently. :)

"Oxford Comma"

"A bell's not a bell 'til you ring it, A song's not a song 'til you sing it, Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, Love isn't love 'til you give it away!"

-Oscar Hammerstein III

For the first time in a week, I went out into society into my hometown. My mom dragged me into town to go Christmas shopping and it wasn't too bad. I went a record of 7 minutes before I saw someone I knew. Not bad considering I usually get spotted either in the parking lot or withing 3 minutes of stepping in the store (and yes the town is that small)
but of course it wasn't anything disastrous and I survived. Then right after I left Wal-Mart, I got invited to my old high school's band Christmas Concert and I surprised myself by actually going not only into civilization but by going into the hearth of what made me miserable and again I was surprised that nothing bad happened but instead I was bombarded by tons of people who claimed to miss me. Funny stuff, huh?
All people aside and all small adventures in my hometown, there's something I've kind of involved myself into and a decision I have made. And it all starts... with a ring.

It’s safe to say that there can be many things to seal deals. Words can determine a break-up or make-up. Gifts can result is delight or disaster and in the most common way, a ring can be the biggest factor in everything.


I’m writing about two rings today: both promise rings but each one important in their own respective sense.

The first is one who’s original owner is a Mr. Sergio : (AKA Mark’s boyfriend) He has a what looks to be either a titanium or platinum band with a single diamond in the ring. This ring was originally purchased with the intent of signifying promise to wait for the right person to date and not settle for less. The ring now rests on Mark’s finger. While I am absolutely thrilled for both of them, this ring not only now represents the promise and potential to what looks to be a loving and beautiful relationship but it also symbolizes the bond of two people- not three.

Mark is happy and I figure it’s time I stop being a tagalong so I’ve decided to stop calling and being around all the time. So my third wheel days are done and while I love Mark dearly for the second family he is to me, he could use some space so I will miss our weekly glee sessions and our spending every free moment together. He’s a taken man and he can’t devote his every moment to me. I’ll always be open to hang out… I’ll just provide the space he so lovingly needs.

Which brings me to the second ring in question.

The second ring is a white gold band, topped with a cubic zirconium stone held on by the white gold in a heart shaped encasing. It’s a size 6 and the owner is one Miss Jenner (AKA Me). I’ve decided to make the act of being single a more permanent establishment by splurging (white gold is a bit pricey but I can live with cubic zirconium) on a promise ring for myself as a Christmas present. It’s not a chastity promise ring (since I’ve made that decision on my own minus the jewelry) but a relationship promise ring. If I’m going to be single for a while, I may as well have a reminder of how much I’m worth and how I should live each day to its potential. I’m guessing I’m going to be single for at least 3 more years and when the time comes and I do get into a relationship, it should at least be worthwhile.

The ring should be arriving soon. (I blame my fixation on Etsy, the arts and crafts online market where I purchased most of my Christmas presents for this gift to myself)

Either way, there’s love all around and promise for all. And that just might be the one thing to hope for.

"Dog Days Are Over"

"Your aspirations are your possibilites." - Samuel Johnson

I really need to get into the habit of waiting to see how things turn out before I start writing blog entries, seriously because things just keep getting more and more interesting. As you know, the Fall semester is over and while most people would be running for the door to go back home, I'm not one of them. I'm kind of reserved over the idea of being back in the [False] Promise Land that is my old hometown and personally I'd rather stay in my dorm but I owe my mom a visit. So I packed up my bags on Saturday, but not before a share of amazing things. For one, I spent the morning with Mark and his awesome roommate for breakfast and then to the mall we went. One thing I should probably mention (in case some haven't figured it out) is that I'm Hispanic. I also speak Spanish along with a good 98% of the Hispanic population. Mark is Filipino. While he is talented and gifted in many ways, he can't speak Spanish to save his life. This usually sets him up for spectacular language barrier flops. Well after breakfast, Mark invited us to go to the mall so he could buy a Christmas present for his potential boyfriend, Sergio. On the way there, Mark, his roommate Erik (not to be confused with Erick, the pain in my ass ex), and I were discussing how to say Mall in Spanish. Erik gave the correct translation (which evades me at the moment) while I said, "Personally, being that I'm lazy and apt to using Spanglish more frequently than accurate translations, will just say Mol y ya." [Note: Mol y Ya is not a correct translation. It's just a Spanish sounding pronunciation of the word Mall combined with the real word in Spanish y ya which means "and that's it". In the context I was using it, the "translation" would be "mall and be done with it"]
Mark then had a confused look on his face and then proceeded to say "Moliya? How come I've never heard that before?"
By then, all three of us were confused as to where he got the word Moliya but then it dawned on me what he was trying to do and I immediately started to burst into a fit of laughter.
By then, Mark was really confused.
Mark: "Why are you laughing?"
Me: "BECAUSE! The phrase I was trying to say was three words. You combined it into one. Plus you made it even more of an off translation than mine."
Erik and I: LMAO
Mark: -____-'

And so our joke of the day (with at least 3 Facebook mentions and a Tweet from Mark and I each) was about our day at the Moliya. At the Mall (or Moliya, depending on if you got the joke or not) Mark spent the good part of 2 hours gift shopping and price checking. It wasn't until he got to Macy's (the best price for what he wanted) and came to a revelation. A few friends and I with Mark included have been planning to go to Dallas, Texas in January for the Glee open casting calls (Yes, the hit show Glee. The very show I'm obsessed with) and we've been saving money for the big day for hotel and gas expenses. However, in spite of Mark's job, resale of textbooks and everything,  none of us can deny that being a college student isn't one of the most broke professions anyone can take on. And so he was left between going to Dallas or buying Sergio a Christmas present: he immediately looked at me. Without a doubt I said, "It's going to be awfully quiet in Dallas without you. And so he purchased it and was estatic. I was then greeted with the biggest hug I could ever get. Honestly, I don't mind at all. I'm all for happiness and if he's happy then so am I. And the look on his face said it all. so I am thrilled.
After we got back to the dorms, I was 1) Texted by a friend who wanted to hang out at the mall. and 2) surprised by Mark when he stopped by my dorm.
Since we all knew I was eventually going to get dragged against my will to go back home, our mall adventures would be the last time we would get to hang out. And so while I was getting cleaned up to go to the mall yet again, Mark stopped by with a Christmas present... for me, behind his back.
For behind him, he pulled a book called the "A Photographic History of Marilyn Monroe."
For years, I've been in serious admiration of Marilyn Monroe but I've never been able to purchase any memorabilia and here was a book for me. I wanted to cry and I did, ruining my makeup for one of the nicest things anyone has ever bought for me. He then notions me to read inside the book and sure enough, here is the inscription he wrote: [Note: Alot of these are inside jokes so if you don't get some, that's expected. lol]

Jen!!

My GLEE-loving-I.T.S-auditioning-Tyra-Show-participating-"mariachi: it's a regional thing"-ing- Resident Idol winning- Professional Third Wheeling- Pink loving- tostada making- ruffle dress wearing- we will deck out our apartment in James Dean and Marilyn Monroe- Darren Criss swooning- cockblocking because of shoes- guardian angel- Pied Piper of gay guys within a two mile radius- will become famousthrough her blog and Twitter- awesomeness in a box, amazing friend and inspiration, not to mention fellow grammar Nazi.

'your aspirations are your possibilites.' - Samuel Johnson

With the spunk of Marilyn Monrow, the voice of Lea Michele, and the heart of Barbra Streisand, Jen, you're an amazing kid and I'm glad you're in my life! Thank you!!

Mark

By this time I was really crying. Yeah, I know. I'm a sap. lol I was so touched by this whole thing that it really sank in on how much of a family I have away from my parents and also how one little gesture can mean so much. I was pretty pensive about it the entire time. Even when I went to the mall with my friend and went out for a late lunch, I was pretty silent. Then my nice little bubble of obbservance was popped. My mom called. She wanted to go back home and NOW and was wondering where the hell I was.
Like I wanted to go back.
At any cost, my mom sounded peeved. (Plus she threatened to disown me) so  I had no choice but to make my way back home and pack up to the Land of False Promises: I've made my way to my old hometown. You'd think I was a convict trying to sneak my way into the country by the way I've smuggled myself into the town relatively unnoticed. I haven't told anyone I'm here, mostly because I don't want anyone to know that I'm here.
I literally drove into town and I felt my shoulders tense up. Everything seems so much smaller, so empty and so... apathetic compared to my college existence. And so we drove in.. and I'm not all that thrilled to be here. But my mood changed when I helped unload the car and came back inside and saw I got three texts.
Two were from Twitter:
Mark and Sergio not only made it Facebook official but made it Twitter official. They're a couple. Aaaand this all happened within the two hours it took me to leave civilization and be dumped in this hellhole.
...
Really guys? lol

At any cost, I'm absolutely thrilled for them. They are incredibly adorable and I wish them the best of luck (because after all, they are the only couple I don't want to throw shoes at)

But anyhow, aside from this great news, I have 29 days to go (and counting) and I can only hope the next few days are filled with a chance to practice and finish my Christmas shopping.

And even now, I'm still very lucky to be embraced by so many wonderful people who have changed my life. (and I can only hope Mark and Sergio come to visit because I'm going to go bonkers being trapped in this town for so long alone)

and either way, this hole of a place has some great people, particularly Juan the bestie and my high school band chums who actually enjoy the place (a phenomenon I will never understand)

The good will always be that my days of isolation are over... even if I'm single. :)

"I Will Survive"

“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope.”

I've survived my first semester in college!

[insert clapping sound effect]

And so what do you do when you survive your first semester? If you're like me, how do you celebrate? By  running errands and staying home of course! But in true fashion to my life, not everything predictable works out the way you think it does. And it didn't but it's not all bad.
After my last final today, I went and began the redesign for this blog and must I say, I totally love it! I just need to get the domain name switched in the summer and we should be good. Then I set up my blog's Twitter account and of course Mark invited me to eat lunch with him. And my role of professional third wheel resumed and I got a few "I'm Asian" jokes in (it's a new occurring joke between Mark, his roommate and I)

Then I applied for a job at the bookstore, paid for my Spring classes, and came back home... and got a text just as I was walking into the gates of my dorm. It was none other than His brother. Yup, the infamous you-know-who's brother. I totally forgot that he was coming by to pick up the famous TV I was lent a few months ago. Now that my grandparents bought me one, I only felt it right to return them their TV. Of course they sent his brother to pick up the TV. Now, while you-know-who's brother and I have had somewhat of a very terse relationship, ever since I moved here, we've gotten along really well. So what was supposed to be just the handing back of a TV turned into an actual visit where we talked. I got to how him where I live and actually have visitors which I rarely have these days aside from the random stop from Jess and Mark. And somewhere in between our conversation, he started talking about of all things how a workout is really important. His explanation? Fitness represents survival. If the world were to collapse, it's up to you to make sure you're prepared. If you can stay strong, you'll survive.

And so I've agreed to start working out (okay, more like harassed into working out but still) and even so, I've realized, you know, that I will get through everything and even in an unconventional story like mine, people will always be around.

And before he left, he presented me with the Christmas present you-know-who's family got me: the 2011 Glee calender. My inner nerd was all kinds of happiness and it only makes reaffirmed that this unconventional arrangement may be... well, orthodox... but there are people who understand and who can sometimes make me smile at the strangest times.

So David's family, Mark, Jess, my friends from back home, my own family... by one way or another, they're all connected but thankfully a part of my life.

It's not a cheesy disco song or even a cliche sitcom setting. But it's a start. It's something and even if it means being Mark's 3rd wheel/wingman or being the kid who doesn't want to go home, I have to start working somewhere to be out in the world and if I get going, I'll survive.

"Life and Love and Why"

‎"Whether it's a heart attack or a heartbreak, just like on Broadway, the show must go on." - Rachel Berry ♥

Well, I guess I saw this coming but... I've happily resumed my place as professional 3rd wheel.

Wait... what??

Yes, you heard me correctly. I've become a 3rd wheel again and for the first time I'm actually kinda happy about it.  Mark has met someone and he's AMAZING!!! It's like seeing Kurt and Blaine in real life (that's a Glee reference, folks. Get used to it) And plus, (I'm sure I've said this countless times) but Mark doesn't make me want to throw a shoe at him and I like hanging out with him... and listening to him go on about this new guy. I also seemingly end up being there when they see each other but either way, this is where I belong and it feels so right to not only be helping someone else's romance but also to be in the company of a good friend. It's been such a long time since I've actually begun talking to people and Mark's definitely gotten me out of my shell that after much consideration, I've decided to move forward with something I've never done before.
I've realized that Lyrics, Memories and the Unknown no longer applies to the concept and what I've been writing about and so I've decided to rename my blog and do a complete redesign, so say hello to my reborn blog, "Life, Love and Why", inspired by life and the many twists and turns it throws. From there we'll see how it goes :)

"Positive"

"It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. "
-Robert H. Schuller

True to my tendencies, I've faced my fair share of trifles , particularly in terms of life and living in the present. This entry is no different from me sharing them.
Apparently, what I confused for dates with the aforementioned guy in my blog are NOT dates. It took a  Mark to let me see that. It turns out I was right: The guy IS gay. Go figure, huh?
Anyways, after what seems like the 6th gay man to come in my midst, I just decided to go with the flow.
Now moving on
I've realized that what will eventually become my late teens and early 20's are resembling what most single women go through in their mid 30's. I am beginning to see my friends pair off. One just had a baby. Two of my other friends are in the process of planning their weddings and one just announced his engagement. I'm happy for all of my friends and I'm sure their respective weddings are going to be great. Juan thinks that maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way and instead of being all torn up about it I should be thankful that I don't have anything adult like that in my life and he's right. I just can help but feel that the car that is my life is stalling and I shouldn't be having this many problems getting back into dating. Hell, I shouldn't be having this many problems even just talking to the opposite sex but I do. Can't help it but I've got to go with the flow.
In other news, it seems like other aspects of my life are falling into place. I've finally made an friend who's not destructive, doesn't burden me with his issues (Ahem, Erick...) and feels like family. He's so amazing that since he's staying at the dorms the entire time for the Winter Break (long story), I'm willing to bring him home with me. Mark is someone that I've mentioned a few times but I can never fully stress how amazing he really is. He inspires me everyday with something new and even though his love life is better than mine, I'm actually happing for him (and not secretly plotting to throw a shoe at him like Erick and other people)
He's got one hell of a story, one that might actually be a bit crazier than mine but... even so, he embraces everything with such finesse and already, I love that I'm blessed to have him as a friend. :)
And trust me. this is saying something since right now it's Finals week and my head just wants to explode. But on the positive, I survived my History final (I just need to worry about Sociology and I can breathe again)

 

This is what I feel like and for the other college students out there doing Finals, lets hope the Chihuahuas in the world and you and I alike can survive. :)