"Semi-Charmed Life"

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”- Carrie Bradshaw

Last night, I had a bit of a Carrie Bradshaw type of personal revelation. Considering that it's one I didn't seek willingly, it should have some significance into my life.
Have you ever wondered why there's a big number of Mr. Wrongs, hellbent on making you miserable? What if you never find Mr. Right? What if he vacated the premises with that hoochie you refused to be?
Love and it's insane ups and downs can seriously make a person wonder what makes us so compelled to love and be loved in the first place. My Friday night brought me to this revelation. When I get time off, I try and go to a hockey game and my aunt got sick this weekend so suddenly I went from going to a hockey game to having no plans at all. I for some reason ended up watching Sex and the City, that episode where Samantha discovers Smith Jerrod, Carrie is dating Berger and Charlotte becomes engaged to her divorce lawyer. I noticed how amazingly awesome Berger really was and how although I'm a Mr. Big fan, I would have totally dated a guy like Berger. And then after a somewhat quiet dinner and sleep, I was awoken by my first ex, a guy I ended up being on and off again with for most of my high school career. We started talking and for some reason he inquired as to why I was single. He's always referred to me as the girl that got away and the one he was never able to catch up to. It made me think about how much I really wanted in someone and how I really wasn't getting it.
I'm here trying something casual with no expectations: just meeting with someone when I want to talk and same with him. I know he wants nothing serious. His friends don't know about me and I'm pretty sure this is going nowhere. My friends don't know either and I'm more than sure they'll throw a fit too because I'll end up hearing, as I usually do, that I deserve better and deserve someone who's going to commit to me. And I know I do but don't we all deserve things we never get and get things we don't deserve.
We deserve to get that A but get a B while that person who crammed at the last minute got an A+. We get the single nights of making dinner for one when the vapid girls with no hope get the great guy and treat their men like crap. I suppose maybe I'm settling when I could find something better but just where is this better I've heard so much about and just exactly what is it?
I find myself questioning love and it's motives now, especially since our creative director picked Love as the theme for our Glee Club's semester showcase (which by the way is the single most exciting and worrisome thing on my mind for this semester. If I can't pull this off, I'm doomed but if I can, I'll be a legend.
I just have to put my best effort forward and hope that this, unlike my love life and my numerous things WRONG with life at the moment works out for the better.
Life isn't life without love and why that's so, I don't know. But it's worth a shot trying to find out.