Broken Heart

"There can't be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

-Henry Kissinger

I'm used to losing everything good in my life. My grandmother, when I was 8. Those pretty silver butterfly barrettes I got for my 17th birthday. My iPod, my cell phone at work, my pride, love, joy, anger... all things easily tossed around like the earrings that constantly go missing from my jewelry box every so often. Well, in this case, I've lost several things at once. I lost a good friend, one I was there for and cared for like family, I lost my sense of morality considering I no longer care about who's right, who's wrong, and where I fit into all of it.
Because I've lost one person in my life, I've gained so much confusion and thoughts that have spiraled into insecurity and questioning whether everything was really a lie.
I know for a fact that I'm not me anymore, well at least not the me that came fresh out of high school.
I take forever to get to sleep and sleep through mornings. I'm tossed around like a toy, because I'm not good enough to talk to, to be nice to, much less be someone's good friend. I'm silent and moody. I go out to get lost in music. I come home to get lost in silence.
I want to figure out exactly where everything went wrong and why it did. I no there's no such thing as perfect timing but by writing out this soliloquy, I hope to at least grasp the reins and make something better out of all this.

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