"Blow Me (One Last Kiss)"

My dearest readers, I feel as though my absence from this blog has given the wrong impression. I think it's personally time to come out of hiding and face the world once and for all. Because if there's one thing I've known my entire life, it's that you can't just tell Jen to take anything silent and lying down.
My name is Jen, no more no less. That hasn't changed. But the rest indeed has. Here is my story.
My name is Jen. I am a 20 year old college Junior who is now loving the university she came to two years ago kicking and screaming. I've learned an awful lot about life, love, what a family means and the worth of an education and what a home means to me in my time at this university. And oh yeah, I am currently living with Anxiety.
I was recently diagnosed in April this past year after what was the worst semester of my life that turned into one of the most emotionally difficult summers I've faced thus far. I think I've learned more about myself in these months than I have in 20 years of living and unfortunately, this means I did very little writing. I've gone from writing about a breakup, to writing about college to now writing about life battling my anxiety and the people who have come and gone in my life as a result.
So what am I thinking now?
Hm. Good Question.
About my family. How I've gotten so much closer to my mom and little brother since I got sick, and I miss them dearly every single day I'm not next to them. How I can't wait to be home with my boyfriend,JJ,  the one love of my life that's actually been good for me. I'm thinking about my dog, Roscoe, who apparently loves me to death but is jealous of JJ. Go figure.
I'm thinking about my friends, my real friends who I don't introduce as "my friend" but by their actual names. I think of the ones who can look at me and immediately know I'm sad or experiencing a panic attack or even hungry. At the same time, I think of the people who are quick to claim me when I'm accomplished, quick to call me when something is needed and swear up and down that we're extremely close but pretend that I'm infallible.... and how I volunteered myself for this.
I walk across campus a clear survivor of a heaping pile of shit. No one gave me a medal, the world isn't going to end and hell, nobody cares. I'm not a victim and there are an awful lot of people in the world who have faced bigger burdens and had less hope than me. I'm still carrying a heaping pile of shit, to be honest and some days it gets worse even though I know others have bigger shit piles than I do. But the truth is, I'm done letting others dictate my life and try to control my outcomes. I'm not here for rivalries or image. I'm not here to pretend that this is going away and I'm okay with the world.
People suck, that's something I've learned. "I can't control how I feel right now" is something else on that list. But my ability to do something for the betterment of who I am, find people who genuinely care about my best interests at heart and vice versa and retain my inner fighter is all I can possibly do at this moment.
And with that Ladies and gentlemen, I leave you. I'm Jen. No more, no less. This is my Life. Hopefully you stay with me as I try to figure out the rest and hopefully get it right this time.