In My Place

You know sometimes it takes a great deal of questioning to come up with a definite conclusion. While in some cases it can be fulfilling, others just require a great deal of faith. My entire life has basically revolved on faith. Beliefs, dreams, persistence... all of it has required a great deal of faith. In my personal mantra, you have to believe and feel that something is going to happen or else, there's no point in doing anything. I have so much faith in life in fact that sometimes the borders of faith and affirmation blur together. Call it wishful thinking but once I set my mind to something and believe I can make it happen and wish for it to happen and hold faith in fate and higher powers, faith and a single concept of an idea become fact.
My favorite band (Switchfoot) has a song called "Ode to Chin" and my favorite lyric (which happens to be my personal motto) is "doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs". But why do I bring up faith, you may ask? While it drives my friends insane, I believe there is no such thing as true love and I believe it with a passion. For years, my friends and family has known me to ironically be the one with faith in the world and the belief that nothing is impossible, yet the biggest cynic of love and romance. I am simultaneously an optimist and also a pessimist. I firmly believe I am unlikely to get married and seriously have no consideration in having children. Of course that doesn't mean I curse every married couple or happy relationship. I don't spat at children or degrade people who have children. I just don't believe that personally  it exists or even applies. I have not been given a concrete reason to believe in romance. I bring this up particularly because of the present situation. Most of my friends are in happy relationships or aspiring for things of that nature. I went to a party yesterday and made the keen observation that aside from one other person besides me, everyone was in a relationship and the lovey doveyness in the air made me want to puke. I left early but still, to not be in school or not have anything to do makes me susceptible to these observations. Because of the things I've had to deal with in my attempts at relationships or romance (particularly horribly failed relationships and a book in progress about the worst one)
Maybe this serious belief is what's keeping me up at night... all I know is that 1) The sappy lovey-ness is a bit nauseating and 2) I just hope I don't get yelled at for my faith in this particlar subject.