Open Arms

Lately, I've been in a Classic Rock mood, particularly songs of love lost and learning life once again.
One of the things I went through this week? Well I almost got back together with my ex. PLEASE don't smack me. I understand how much those of you who know me want to throw the nearest shoe at my head and slap some sense into me. For those of you who have no idea, allow me to explain.
A little over a year ago, my ex and I separated. While we hadn't been together for a considerably long time, I got attached. More attached that I probably should have gotten. After being so guarded, I let someone in, and it turned on me. I haven't been able to forgive myself for a year pretty much and so life has been different. Now I'm in a good place. I started again to move forward because in my head I knew that life wasn't going to wait for me and that one boy doesn't define me. This only came to nag at me yet again when apparently we thought trying things again might give us a new start. Well in the end things didn't fall through and while I'm kind of relieved it didn't, it added alot of things to think about.
I missed having someone to talk to, someone who didn't stress me out and wanted to spend time with me. I mean hell, I love my friends and I'm crazy about life with them by my side. But it's been a long time since I had someone just there for me, you know? I think about the stupid, unrealistic crush I had my senior year in high school and while he was a great guy, I knew it just wasn't going to happen. I'm beyond high school crushes but it kinda doesn't help the quiet nights where I don't have my own person to relate to.
I'm sure college is going to bring someone wonderful and interesting and so worth my time and energy but if there is someone out there then, maybe this world isn't so isolating.
Maybe there is such a thing as love.
But for now that remains to be seen.
Still, I'm releived that for once in a long time, the summer doesn't have a boy who's destined to break my heart. Especially when a year ago, he crushed me to the point of starting over with my own life. Look where I am now. I can't go through that again.
Like I said, it remains to be seen.