"Real Gone"

You know, some of the best weekends always come from sucky weeks and this one is no exception. I've been kind of down in the dumps with everything that happened but it all came down to an awesome Friday. I woke up early, did pretty well on my in-class essay for my History class, finished my research for Speech, got a free massage (thank goodness for Resident Appreciation Weeks!) and did all my work and then spent the time with none other than the guy who I've gone out with twice already. We went out for a random hot chocolate run and met up with one of his friends and planned for an impromptu trip to the beach next weekend. (Awesomeness!)
But on this awesome Friday a hundred or so miles away from where I am now around the same time, my Alma Mater was celebrating their 5th straight defeat of our [only] rivals. Football isn't and has never really been my thing but I cheered for everyone through a Facebook status post.
This brings me to Saturday. Today. After some confusion, I ended up staying in town instead of going to a performance because they forgot I don't have a car. (The one thing that constantly annoys me is the one thing people forget. Joy.) I called Juan today and we were able to catch up. Aside from all our usual talking, one thing he said really struck out to me. Almost all of the band alumni were at the game. Apparently everyone went except for me.
Why these things?
The reason the comment about everyone being there except me being there and it being noticeable is just the fact that someone noticed. Had I gone though, I can assure you it would have raised questions. I hated high school, almost every single part of it. I hated how so many people gave the last four years of being in secondary education so much valor. I hated the crappy caste system made up of social hierarchy and who was cool. I hated being criticized for every damn thing I did and how no one gave me a fair break to be myself because God forbid it cause some kind of movement forward. It was horrible to constantly feeling like I had to prove myself and be considered wrong and some form or a joke to those around me. That's why I swore I wouldn't go back until I absolutely had to and that's why the only sign of school spirit I had/have are the things I earned based on personal merit and even then, I kind of protested that too. My Letterman jacket (instead of being orange and white like everyone else's) is black and gray and I'm the only senior in my graduating class with it. Also, the stone on my class ring is Pink and not Orange. The place and town left a thorn in my side and a bad taste in my mouth and I was all too happy to leave and not return. Which is why when Juan said I was the only one missing, it made me think. Aside from Juan being my best friend and possibly the only one who missed me at the game, I'm sure me going would have not done me any favors. No one was going to miss me, considering that they spent the last four years of my life doing everything in their power to ostracize me and wish I was gone.  Why do I feel bad about not going then? I don't know but I guess it's too late to change it now and it's better for me to have not gone.
Now I won't be home until Christmas (when I'm being forced at all costs to be home unless I want to be disowned) and I'm still begging and pleading with my parents to come here instead of making me go over there simply because I hate being there so much but considering that we're celebrating Thanksgiving with my grandparents and not at home, they're done with traveling for holidays. I don't plan on sticking around longer than I need to. The first Sunday after New Year's, I'm headed back to school.
Being at school is like the summer vacation I never had and when I think about all the shit I went through at home, I could live the rest of my life not setting foot back in that town again. I hate it that much.
So from great friday to confusing saturday. I wonder what sunday has in store for me....

(but hey... I am proud that I managed to do TWO blogs in one week!)