Superman

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

With only 3 days left in 2010, I've begun to realize how much has changed within 365 days. I think about where I was at this point on December 28, 2009 and it just doesn't compare to now. Not even close.

I certainly thought that by 2010, I wouldn't have set foot in this town ever again. Back in the day when I wasn't a permanent decoration/resident in my dorm room that I now fondly revere as my home, I was a kid stranded in the bane of every nerd's existence: high school. Even before then I was the subject of some serious bullying. It just got relatively worse in high school. Simply put, I was Rachel Berry minus the animal sweaters and slushies but you get the idea.
 I've never been one to shy away from being who I am. From the get-go, I knew what I wanted, where I was going and acted like an adult and I got a hell of alot of shit for it.
People advised me to change everything about myself. They advised me that a new haircut/ new wardrobe/ using smaller words/ not singing all the time/ not answering questions in class/ speaking quieter/ not liking Harry Potter would save me a world of trouble and by just blending in, things would be easier. I could no sooner do any of these things than they could grow six inches taller at will. And I suffered for it. My passions and my personality made me a whole lot of enemies and rumors sprouted as a result: I was stuck up because I used "big words" and "talked down to everyone" with my vocabulary. I was insane because I enjoyed singing and looked for every chance to perform in front of a crowd. I tried on purpose to be different in order to attract attention.
Naturally, my peers tried to "punish" me. The Class of 2009 (the year before I graduated) staged a walk-out during my performance in the Junior talent show. It was commonplace to get my things stolen, to get my things moved, to have my house egged... anything just to get under my skin. At some point or another, I wondered why I put up with everything in the first place and didn't graduate early. Simple: my parents' patience was wearing thin. They didn't get it, considering down to this day, I still get harassed at home for not being perfect/smarter/more outspoken. This was my battle for 14 years.
 In 2009, during the Fall of my senior year in high school,  I went through one of the most life changing and defining points of my life: I was a guest on Tyra Bank's now defunct talk show. The subject? Kids in the arts who are made outcasts. What was meant to be a quiet trip to New York turned into something much bigger than I ever realized. I told nobody that I was leaving until right before I boarded a plane because nobody needed to know. My mom and I boarded the plane and from there it seemed like the entire world found out. I met amazing people and discovered that there is indeed a bigger and better world out there than the small town I was living in and that there was no reason for me to go through the hell I was going through. I got treated like a celebrity and met the cast of Glee, and it was AMAZING! The cast was humble and seeing Lea Michele in person was nothing but inspiring. It was a nice reminder to keep moving forward.

But that being said, when I got back, it got worse. Much worse. People suddenly started complaining that I lied to get on the show and that I was never picked on. They started a trending topic on Twitter and message boards about me online. For once my parents saw it but they still didn't get why I wanted to leave to an out of state school or why I don't want to come back here ever again. For me, it's alot more psychosomatic. I can't sleep. I get panic attacks when I remember certain events. I question everything and don't talk to people much.
And today I saw that one of my attackers mentioned me on Twitter and I got an anxiety attack from it. I am definitely in a much better place when I am away from here and while my family and friends live here, I can't stand to be here anymore. It just feels like a step back more than a step forward.

Bullying should never be tolerated and it's not right for someone to feel threatened or unwanted where they should feel safe, especially at school and in their hometowns. Suicides are at an all time high and I understand all too well how teasing can affect you. No one helped me and no one listened. It wasn't until my appearance that people really had an idea of what was going on.
Alot of states don't have proper bullying/cyberbullying laws and it's not right.

2011 should be a year where I as well as every other person shouldn't feel afraid of being somewhere. We're all human and the feelings of others should never be undervalued.