I Will Learn To Love Again

"It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone." - Marilyn Monroe

"I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless."

More music stuck in my head today, but this time my body is finally getting a message across: I am EXHAUSTED. This morning, I literally woke up and started teary eyed because my body wanted to stay and get the sleep it needs and it couldn't. I'm no stranger to stress and I've been through physical endurance before but right now, I want to cry. I need a day to sleep and relax and actually remember that I'm not made of steel.

Lots going on at the moment, both good and bad.
But right now, I have a headache, and the person giving it to me doesn't even know he does. I also know that I shouldn't even be frustrated about this. You'd think that after two years, I would learn that you can't go looking for love or putting myself down about never attracting someone because I'm the sarcastic, cynical, sharp tongued, ugly friend out of the group who refuses to sit in the background and look pretty. I don't understand guys and their mind games. I don't know how to flirt and be subtle to save my life. I do have an incredibly thick wall that I never let down. And somewhere in that, I'm still vulnerable and hoping that someone will be the brave soul to try to get close to me but knowing no one will.
And of course, slowly but surely everyone is starting to pair off, my sisters and friends included. I've noticed that pretty much, I'm the only single person left in my circle of friends. My co-workers are all dating someone or married (my closest friends at work are actually dating each other, lol) and my sisters, including the ones I'm closest to are mostly in relationships and Mark, who I haven't consciously thought about in a while is apparently going on dates, as someone decided to enlighten me about today. I'm here sitting on campus while my sister is eating lunch with her new boyfriend a couple of hundred feet away from me and while I'm trying to mind my own business and let them do their own deal, I see so many people around me and so many faces but not one of them is the one I'm looking for. Not a single person here is the face I'm looking for, nor am I the face anyone's looking for.
I know I should stay positive and maybe a part of me wants to be, but then there's the part of me that's trying not to get my hopes up and remind myself that this is the real world and more likely than not, I'm going to get hurt and I'm going to be waiting for the right person to come into my life.
Didn't Rapunzel ever get lonely at the top of the tower waiting for someone to come along and go through the trouble of climbing the tower?

"Drowning in tears that wont be me
I will soon be free from the chains of all this pain inside
And though I cry it wont be long till I regain the strength to know
I can go on
I will find my way through the heart break I will not give up on love
I believe

I will learn to love again I will learn to trust
Once this heart can start to mend
I will learn to
Learn to love again"