"Melody"

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." 

-Aldous Huxley

Maybe it's been too long but considering I haven't written in ages (not just this blog, but my book as well) I'd like to attempt to catch up. I find that it's getting trickier though, as I literally wake up, go to school, eat while studying and rush to work to only get out late, sleep four hours and do it all over again. One thing that has remained consistent is music, and while I've always said that it keeps me sane, I think the fact that I'm thinking in song is causing some insanity.
These are my thoughts at this very moment.:
"I like the universe, but she messes with my words.
I'm not talking planets or galaxies
and the distance just makes it worse..."

"...So, how come when I reach out my finger
It feels like more than distance between us

In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king"

"Antes que pase más tiempo contigo amor
Tengo que decir que eres el amor de mi vida
Antes que te ame más, escucha por favor

Déjame decir que todo te di
Y no hay cómo explicar pero menos dudar
Simplemente así lo sentí, cuando te vi." 

 "When you was just a young’un you’re looks but so precious
But now your grown up
So fly its like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder"

"All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come  alive in my identity"

 

I've got song lyrics left and right in my head. I go to sleep with melodies in my head that remind me of people. I have memories flooding my head, good and bad. Great and deafening. In a time where literally I only come back home late at  night (or early morning, depending on your point of view) to sleep and I don't have the luxury of being able to say things. 

"Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say..."

I'm dying to sing at the the top of my lungs. I'm looking for an escape where I can run, get to say everything that's building up in my mind like unopened letters in my mailbox.

"I'm feelin' like I keep on talking,
I'm repeating,
Myself, my words, lost all meaning,
I keep talking,
I repeat myself...
I just wanna run, hide it away,
Run because they're chasing me down,
I just wanna run, throw it away..."

At this rate, my thoughts are just songs on a playlist on my iPod or cherished songs from the jukebox at work, lyrics that say everything I want to and yet no matter how loud I turn up the volume and no matter how into these songs I get when I sing them under my breath... they're still my secrets. And my memories. And right now, that's all I can ask for. 


"No matter what has ever come to me
I got my own brand of company
I got 'da da da' inside my head
And I play songs back to back until i got to bed

Wake up by myself inside an empty room
There's no body next to mine to oooh
But my skin is warm and my heart is full
It's the do do do do do do

Walking waking on a crowded street
With my headphones loud
So my hips can swing, so my head can nod
To the rock and roll to the boom boom beat

& I find that I'm never alone
& I find that my heart is my home
& the music within makes me whole
A world that I built on my own

& I know that I'm never alone
& I know that my heart is my home
Every missing piece of me
I can find in a melody"