The War Inside

If there's anything I could possibly dislike about my relationship, it's the fact that we get ourselves into ridiculous arguments, and I take them worse than anyone else. Why? Because when we fight, I'm the foolish one, the easily aggravated one and if anything, the person who becomes the most frustrated about it.
I am my mother's daughter and unfortunately, I've learned everything I know about love from her. I say unfortunately because to me, love means slammed doors, a contest over who's ego is bigger than who's, and the usual of pushing people away. When my mom gets upset, she yells and complains, blames everyone, makes others suffer and when we all want to know what's wrong, she refuses to talk to anyone. That is me right there. I get mad over tiny things, I blame him (and it's not his fault), I shut myself out and make accusations of him leaving me for good, and don't talk to anyone.
Our latest fight? My fault. He's coming home and spending time with his family so my four months will more than likely turn into 7 months with him away. I've told him that's fine and since I'll only be seeing him 3 days out of the week (if ever) I've jokingly referred to myself as "the booty call" or the "on-call girlfriend".
Do I want him to come home and stay? Yes. Am I mad that my time without him has been extended? Definitely. But it's his family and I'd be an idiot not to understand that. I'm not happy but I have to suck it up and be a big kid. But he hates how I call myself the booty call (even if I feel that way).  I just hate how I feel as though I'm basically going back to being single (and spending a good amount of a year) alone, having to deal with phone calls, and a few texts, and missing him while he's out having an adventure. I want my life back. I can barely stand not seeing him right now. I especially did not sign up for a long distance relationship.
I care about him greatly but I'm wearing thin. So if I want to crack a joke about being on call because he gets to call me his girlfriend without even so much as seeing me, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to keep myself somewhat sane. I'm sarcastic, and Cynical. It's been established.
Right now I'm just writing to blow of steam but GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!