Covered in Rain

It's weird to say I'm in college, even now that I've been living here for a while and might I say that my life is totally unrecognizable. In a way it's been good but in a way it's not exactly something really great. Ale and I have been hanging out often almost every day, which is cool but I'm struggling to find my own space sometimes. Still, it's good to have a friend.
But I guess you can't have everything right? Well in this case, I find myself struggling with isolation, particularly something brought on by the rain. Ironically, I live in one of the driest and hottest places in Texas and for the second week in school, it's been raining and pouring. Talk about weather to fit the mood. Like yesterday for example. I passed up a sorority event to go to David's football game to go see him perform. I sat in his dad's SUV, unsure of what to say or even what to think. I sat in bleachers unknown to me... from a perspective I've never seen... the football stands apart from the band. I watched as a bystander, for a high school I never attended to go see a guy who had no major part in my life anymore. I got to see Angel's family (funny enough, Angel's sister Ruby is in the band too) and just when I figured that things weren't awkward enough... it started to rain. Droplets of rain that kept going for most of the game and continued eventually for the rest of the weekend. Rain was there when the football team played on, stopped when the band got on the field, and started again as I got home. And somehow, even though it wasn't raining when I was watching David on the field (and noticed him before his parents did) I could feel the pinpricks of rain around me, just little reminders of how wrong this feels and how I knew that I was going to end up exactly there. It wasn't exactly the kind of revelation I needed but nonetheless it was still a revelation.
I got invited to their family barbecue this weekend and for some reason I said yes. I don't know why but I did and now I have this "aaaaaccckk" feeling. I can tell you this much. I spent the whole weekend in my room in such a bad mood just so confused about everything. I even ran into Sammy the House again at a music festival here on campus and got somewhat of a job but things still kind of got to me. Now it feels like I'm in a fog. I don't even know what to think...