"Her confidence is Tragic but her Intuition Magic"

"You start chasing a ball and your brain immediately commands your body to 'Run forward, bend, scoop up the ball, peg it to the infield,' then your body says, 'Who me?'"

-Joe DiMaggio

Hello strangers...
Sorry I have practically ignored you for the better part of two weeks. But things have come up, and by things I mean:

-Taking off for Dallas, Texas to audition for The Glee Project and taking part in the road trip from Hell
-Leave my laptop behind so Juan, my best friend and computer whiz extraordinaire could fix my laptop. Mission accomplished! (but I still can't figure out my printer. :/)
-Surviving said road trip in once piece and packing up almost immediately for college.
-The most, romantic, surprising, adorable and simultaneous awkward thing to happen to me ever.

If you have any questions about what happened where, I'd be glad to answer but for now, let me just cut to the chase: the present.
Today I was literally so exhausted, I had to have a Starbucks revival at 4 PM, had to scream in the hallway of the building before a staff meeting to clear the nargles (Yes, people Nargles. My mind was that kaput) and de-stress with a self-heating Spa mask and turn of my lights to try and rest. All which didn't work very well because I later got a call from a very pissed, furious and almost conspiring to murder very angry parent of mine stressing how much college costs and how I can't just get $400 out of thin air for books and how I should have thought of this sooner to get a loan and... I cracked.
What I can tell you is that on the first day I arrived back to college, I discovered that the guy who I've been flip flopping back and forth all my Fall Semester between Gay or Straight ( Thus the many references to "There! Right There!" from Legally Blonde The Musical) is in fact NOT gay. I can also tell you that I am not in a relationship and am still %10000 single. I attempted. He was interested. He has issues. So do I. It wasn't going to work and we agreed on it spot on. The reason I mentioned this is because at the very moment I cracked, I realized there was no one I could call that would immediately call that was going to rush to my side or at least stay on the phone with me while I cried and vented and gave me emotional security.
Hell, after 2 years, I've somewhat forgotten what emotional security is.
I'm much better now but it's just this concept of this semester that's stressing me out. I started my music courses. I have a hefty courseload. I haven't seen much of Mark (and Juan is in love, so forget bringing him down with my glum parade)
I know this is just a phase and maybe I'll figure it out but... is it too much to ask to know that something won't work out but seriously and deeply hope it does, and hope everyone else follows along?
Is it twisted to after all this time, miss Joe DiMaggio?
He's not sending flowers but at least he's not Arthur Miller. Arthur Miller and I have settled things once and for all. It's Joe I have issues with...