"Resolution"

"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress."

-Bruce Barton

Hello everyone. Happy 2011, folks :)

What you see above you is none other than my very own promise ring, fresh from the post office sent from Hong Kong, China. I was pretty nervous about when it would arrive and sure enough today it came in an envelop with a whole bunch of air mail stickers and a Chinese inspection slip. The package was really cool and I intend on holding onto it. And so, it's official. I took off my class ring from my left hand and put it back into my jewelry box to be left behind when I go back to school in two weeks. I put this new ring on my right hand, where it will stay and hopefully remind me of the good I deserve.

In the first three days of the year, I've already been hit with a few doozies. On the very first day of 2011, I spent it on the most fun I've ever had in my hometown when Mark and Sergio came to visit me. When they first drove in (in Sergio's very bad ass looking car, if I may say so myself) I was almost shocked and enveloped in surrealness. My present and past collided and hell was it a shock for me.

I was definitely right. I missed Mark and Sergio very much. They greeted me with incredible hugs and ( much to my dismay) a Christmas present from Sergio.

I tried so hard to figure out what to buy him and honestly I came up kind of short handed. I bought some wish bracelets from Etsy but I knew that kind of sucked so to make up for it, I spent most of New Year's eve, slaving away with a frosting spatula in my hand and doing what I do best: baking.

Baking is a secret talent of mine and I don't bake for just anyone. I take the mixing of ingredients very seriously and am known to improvise recipes and add select ingredients to make my stuff taste great. Though Duncan Hines and I have an exclusive relationship, I can make instant mixes taste so much better. So I decided to take my culinary aspirations further. I baked a whopping 3 batches of brownies, two of them were of the gourmet variety, something I had never attempted to try thus far. So I measured and tinkered and fussed and burned a few fingers and had a run-in with my stepdad who attempted to eat some of Sergio's brownies (which is why I made a 3rd batch, so the family wouldn't get the nibbles) and came out with 2 gourmet brownie sampler batches. I did a marble swirl batch infused with cream cheese and dark chocolate and a Ghiradelli's (hope I spelled that right) double chocolate semi-sweet brownie. All that was left was to decorate and frost: two of my biggest weaknesses in baking and I took an incredibly big risk. I made my own frosting. From scratch. I looked up a recipe online and my rule is follow the recipe the first time then improvise every time after to compare. I broke that rule too when I discovered I was out of vanilla extract. So I used almond instead. And it was a disaster... that worked!

So I spread this awesome cream cheese frosting (infused with almond of all things) and decorated it with hundreds of mini sugar pearls.

Yeah, I'm that good. haha

Of course, while it's the most decadent thing I've ever made I was terrified that Sergio wouldn't like it. Sergio is, like me a chocoholic but that being said, he loves the good stuff and so I was afraid my brownies wouldn't meet up to his palette.

I was indeed surprised in many ways and was right and wrong. Sergio bought me the most amazingly awesome purse made of vintage records circa 1976 and 1979. The purse is beautiful. I was right. My bracelets really suck compared to this. But I was wrong. Apparently he really enjoyed my brownies! So that's a sigh of relief but I'm still scouring the Internet and all my shopping nooks for something wonderful for Sergio (and hun, if you read this PLEASE don't buy me anymore awesome gifts until I can reciprocate what you got me. ;])

We spent the first day of the year, seeing all the things my hometown has to offer and to be honest, I saw things in a different light. I introduced Mark and Sergio to my life as it was before they met me, including meeting some characters from my past (like the guy I became friends with after he attempted to drown me- true story) They went nuts at the collectibles store where Mark bought yet another James Dean poster (and earned an IOU from me for the one I was originally going to buy him for Christmas)
We went to eat at Parilla de San Miguel, this awesome restaurant that I hadn't eaten at in ages because it reminded me of The Ex. Even so, we went inside and enjoyed the awesome food. And then of course we got into the discussion of our pasts, our lives now, my love life, the gays in our lives and my love life again, particularly my history with David and the crazy stories of how my life and his seem to come full circle.
Then Sergio asked me, "After everything that's happened and how it's worked out... do you still have feelings for him?"
I think I've done a pretty okay job shaking off any feelings and I'm doing so much better with moving myself forward so at any cost, he's so history. And so I'm taking a step forward for myself. It's my unwritten resolution. He's the chip on my shoulder and I'd love to see anyone knock it aside.