"What a difference a day makes..."

I've been thinking alot lately now not only about my future but my past. Ironically (at least in my personal sense of irony) there's something unsettling about the present. I always have my mind at least two weeks to a month ahead of what's going on in front of me. I pack for trips at least a week in advance, I plan my life long goals years before they happen and set my mind on doing things and yet when they happen and I actually do them, my ultimate goals are already old memories and new goals take their place. It's like I thrive off of the potential of living and push myself forward to keep advancing.
Yet, it is this way of thinking -while it's been good to me- has also kinda screwed me over, namely in the form of you-know-who and the other exes that have come and gone. Surely I deserve someone who came move forward with me and my goals and so maybe I had a good thing going for a while that just fell apart with him moving to Laredo and me staying here, being a force that just couldn't stop going.
Still, I just never thought that I -the kind of person who lives for years ahead of my time- would have the most life defining person change everything in one day. I was wrong in letting someone get close who may have just not been in it like me. I watched him walk away yet even though there was nothing I could do about it, something I didn't plan changed my life.
Because I was so blind about the present, I received a huge awakening. Now I wake up one morning and see that I'm a high school graduate, unsure of where I'm going with my future. I've got so many deep dreams and desires I've held for so long that have kept me as a believer in faith. Still with the possibility that this one person could warp me again when we cross paths if I end up moving back to Laredo scares me.
For the first time in my life... the future scares me.
For the first time, I don't have refuge in the future, am propelled forward by my past and am unfamiliar to the present. So where does that leave me?
Does the past have to be so unsettling now that I think about it?
I thought I got all these headaches out of my system when we broke up. >.<